Preparation. Since I left my job in December, I have had a very strong sense of being prepared for something. All of the hard times. All of the lessons learned (or being learned). All of the relationships built or left behind. It's like I'm in some sort of holding pattern. This is not meant as a complaint. I'm not sitting around twiddling my thumbs. I've come to embrace this time of preparation. It's incredibly difficult. I don't understand why my family is going through an insanely difficult time when I am on a different continent. I don't know why God sent me back to school without any clear sense of why or where I am supposed to go (that's really hard for a goal oriented person, by the way). I don't know what God is doing. And that can lead to frustration, worry, doubt. But it also leads me closer to Him and who He is. He's bigger than all of this. He sees the tapestry as it will be when it is complete. He is the great physician; He can heal the broken body of a dear sister in Christ. But if He doesn't, He can heal the hearts of those who will survive her. He is wonderful, counselor, mighty God, everlasting Father, Prince of peace. He is the great I Am. He was and is and is to come. He sees. He knows. He loves with an everlasting love. He is God and I am not.
So whatever God is preparing me for, He is already there in it.
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