I had literally written my entire blog post for today and hit apply when something went wrong, and my app ate my post. It was a painstaking process of writing this blog and just like that - poof - gone. Ugh! But isn't life like that? As I've been moving things here and there, building my pile of school stuff, I've realized my life this year has been like that. I started out this year with absolutely no intention of changing directions. I was looking to find ways to settle into my environment more. I bought some more furniture. I started looking at different cars. I took a serious look at houses I passed that had for sale signs. I stopped looking for new jobs. And that all turned upside down on me one day because of a simple dinner conversation. I had no intention of going back to school. At least not in dropping everything and going out West. Maybe in doing an online doctorate or evening/weekend school at a local college.
This summer happened. Conversations about school. A mission trip to Haiti. And a really rough bout with Vertigo. Really rough. I feel a bit sick just thinking about it.
Suddenly I was on a new path. The train jumped the tracks, folks. Thankfully it landed on another set of tracks. These tracks seem to be going through a tunnel and the lights are out. I have no idea where I'm going, what I'm going to run into, or when I will know what's next. I just know I'm on the tracks and my forward momentum is keeping me going. This is normally something that would TOTALLY freak me out. I typically don't like it when I have no goal, no plan, no idea what is going on. I don't like to let go of my attempts at controlling everything.
But here I sit, completely at peace, happily going along this track, enjoying the ride. So I've changed my blog just as I've changed directions in my life. This has absolutely nothing to do with what I planned on writing tonight. But that's okay. I think I like this better.
I'm glad you wrote another post even though you lost your original one. That must have been frustrating to lose, but it looks like something you liked came out of it!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about your experiences with vertigo. I experienced a bout of vertigo/muscle weakness/balance problems, and was diagnosed with an inner ear infection. It led to lasting damage, causing a decrease in depth perception, and I get dizzy more easily than from before I had the infection. I hope you don't have these problems!
I am glad you've been able to experience what it's like to let go of the desire (need? impulse? coping mechanism?) of controlling things. It's very liberating and peaceful when we do that. :)