The Rocks of Reality

A friend of mine told me today: "I always have hope; I let other people dash it against the rocks of reality."  The conversation rolled around to keeping a positive attitude, of maintaining hope even when it doesn't make sense.

Hope is a choice.

Did you know that tidal pools form in rock indentations when tidal waves dump living creatures into those bowl-like formations?  I'm not a sea star, I don't know what it feels like to physically be dropped on my head into a rock and then knocked around a bit as the tides continue.  What I do know is what it's like to have high hopes for something and to be smashed against the rocks of reality when something disappointing happens.  That's the nature of being a foster care worker.  You cling to some insane hope that every family is going to get better; every family is going to make it work and be better for your efforts.  But not every family makes it.  Not every family is able to stay together.  And it is heartbreaking.  I cry when I recommend termination of a parents' rights; and I want to curl up into a ball and pretend the harshness of this world's realities never existed.  I don't get to take time to recover between cases though; I recommend termination, and I receive a new case.  I don't get to let reality beat me down.

But you know what?  That just makes me stronger.  Like the sea star living in the tidal pool, I hold onto life.  I hold onto hope.  I believe in the next family.

As I write this, I am watching Chasing Mavericks, which gives a very clear picture of what waves crashing over rocks looks and sounds like.  I will never be a surfer... I am all too good at running into walls (yes, I mean that literally), but even without attempting to ride giant waves, I can see the same statement within this story that was made in the quote above.  Don't let the fear of falling hold you back from hoping with all your might.

Thomas Wayne says to young Bruce in the movie Batman Begins: "Why do we fall, Bruce?  So that we can learn to pick ourselves up."  That's what life is all about.  Falling.  Watching our hopes get dashed to pieces.  And defying gravity, waves, human nature.  Shaking our fists at defeatism and saying, "I will rise from this.  You will not hold me down!"

Remember our tidal pool analogy?  Well, going back to it... Think about this: sand might be a LOT less painful to fall on (though, being me, I still manage to hurt myself in so doing *shrug*), but it's not sturdy.  When the waves crash over it, they take a lot of sand back into the ocean with them.  Tidal pools form in rocks because they have a solid foundation that lets them last.

As the rocky reality of leaving everything I have ever known grabs hold of me, fear and sadness become a bit stronger than they were initially.  But then I think back on all the times I have fallen, all the times my hopes have been so completely ruined.  And I realize, all those struggles, all those trials, they made me stronger.  Just as fine china is strengthened in the mending, so are we as we allow ourselves hope despite the agony it may bring.  So yes, I am leaving a job I love (and some days hate; remember, I cry when I recommend termination), but I do it knowing that I have friends and family who love me and won't let me linger in self-doubt when I get dashed into the rocks again.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1, ESV)