I AM

As I struggle to define my identity as a blogger (do I want to be philosophical, nostalgic, funny, factual, etc), I find myself seeking answers from my identity as a person in general.  Ironically enough, despite the fact that I am completely comfortable in my identity, I have a difficult time actually defining myself.

Since day one of my job, I have said that I am not a foster care worker.  I work in the field of foster care, but I am not a foster care worker.  I have balked at the label.  This is not so much because there is anything particularly wrong with the label; it's just that I greatly dislike the idea of being identified by my job.  My job is what I do, not who I am.  And by the way, it's transient.  Whether I left because I went to another job or because I retired or some other reason, even if I did not leave for school, I would eventually not be in this job any longer.  So to define myself based on something so transient seems a bit unreasonable.

But maybe transience is a definition of me.  Maybe the fact that I like change defines who I am.  If that is the case, then I guess any transient element of my person would define who I am.  And that would mean my weight, my style of clothing, and how much makeup I wear on any given day defines me.  I'm not satisfied with that definition at all.

That implies, though, that I must always be satisfied with every part of who I am.  And that isn't the case either.  I am completely comfortable with myself at this moment, but I have not always been so.  Did that mean that I was not a person at that time?  Well, we could debate that, but no, ultimately my satisfaction with myself does not define who I am.

So... who am I?  If the definition of my person cannot come from my body type, my work, my taste in music, or my personality, where do I find it?  I must look outside myself to look within myself.

In Exodus 3:14, God speaks to Moses out of a burning bush.  Moses wants to know who this is that is sending him on a rather scary mission to tell the Egyptian pharaoh to let the Jews out of their bondage.  God's response is: "I AM WHO I AM."  This name of God has been said to indicate He is self-existent.  I am not a theologian so do not take your theology from me, but from this statement, we see that God is the definition of who He is.  Sounds paradoxical, right?  But it's also cool because I can also see from the Bible that my identity is wrapped up in God's identity which He has given me through the death of Jesus on the cross, His resurrection, and subsequently the entering of the Holy Spirit into my life as a result of my belief in this miracle.  The more I allow the Holy Spirit to work in my life, the more I become like Him and ultimately, the more myself I become.

Confused?  Let's put it this way... God defines Himself.  I do not define myself or God.  By allowing Him to work in my life, I change and grow and become more like Him.  In so doing, I cast aside all of the things of this world that weigh me down and I become more and more who I am meant to be without all of the baggage.  My measure of how far I have come is not just in seeing change over time, it is in looking at the Bible for snapshots of who God is and comparing myself to those things.

Example: We know from I John 4:8 & 16 that God is love.  Further, we know from I Corinthians 13 what love is supposed to look like.  If I am not meeting the definition of love, then clearly, I am not being who I was meant to be.  But maybe I can see from those things that I am growing.

The other stuff, the music I listen to, the way I speak, the books I read, my facial expressions, those are glimpses of who I am, but they are not the definition of me.

The best part of all of this is that I can be completely comfortable with myself because I know "me" is not me at all but Him working in me.  This is not to be confused with having things I wouldn't mind changing about myself.  I wouldn't mind losing some weight, swearing less, and being more focused on how I can serve others.  I am not satisfied to sit by and stagnate.  But I am not so focused on those things I wish to change that I am unable to accept myself and move through life with confidence and boldness.

So now you've read through this long philosophical discussion of my identity... let me promise you 2 things:
1) I will not write lengthy blogs all the time
2) I will not write philosophical blogs all the time
I just want to write updates on life in my little world; today, my identity happened to be what was on my mind.  Oh, and by the way, you don't have to agree with me.  I'm not looking for a debate.  I'm just giving you an idea of where I am at.

And in case you care, it was -25 degrees in Casper, Wyoming today, which is about 3 hours northwest of where I will be.  In the town where I will be located, weather.com describes the weather as "bitterly cold."  Temperature as I write is 0 degrees and feels like -10.  Bring on the parka and gloves!