The Other End of the Phone

Have you ever wondered what the person on the other end of the phone is up to? I usually don't think about what the other person is doing but I do catch myself doing things at times while I am on the phone that kind of make me think "what if the person I am talking to saw me doing this?" Today happened to be one of those days. I wasn't actually on the phone, but I was present for a conversation in which I was a party to the tomfoolery going on while someone else was on the phone with a client. Some of the joking was truly aimed at the conversation and probably could have been left behind, but most of it was a way to survive the day.

It was a rough day for both of us; both of us have a competitive desire to always be right and for other people to know we are right. We were not recognized as right today and that was a tough pill to swallow. So the phone call offered the opportunity to be a bit more goofy than average. Sometimes that's what this job requires... a bit of goofiness where your average bear doesn't think it belongs. And to some extent you are right. There is a time and a place for everything and sometimes we stretch the bounds of what is acceptable.

But please understand this: high stress jobs, particularly those that involve regular interactions with criminal and/or abusive behavior, tend to come with their own sense of humor. There are things we laugh at that in other circumstances would not be considered appropriate. We often know that what we are joking about is not something the rest of the world would be laughing over. This is s necessary part of survival in our crazy world.

For some, this is something we leave behind at the end of the day. For others, this continues to be a necessary part of life. This is in no way a reflection of a lack of compassion. It is a way to separate ourselves from the negativity we see around us every day.

I personally have testified coolly on the witness stand about things I never thought I would even speak about. There is a need to be able to push away from that. I can't erase the images, words, and thoughts from my mind that my work has conjured. All I can do is bear it the best I can. So sometimes I am on the other end of the phone being melodramatic. Honestly, there is no disrespect intended in this. It is my way of getting through. And I truly look forward to the day when I am no longer having those phone calls. I love my job, but I honestly think some of the hardships I have been going through at work lately have been a blessing in disguise. They are a way to convince my heart to back off, separate, let go, and move on with my life. Without that separation, I will always be anxious over what will happen next.

And yet despite it all, there is a very large part of me that cringes every time I think of the countdown. Every time I consider that in just a few days I will no longer be doing this job, a part of me shudders. In some ways I have never been more ready for something and in some ways I have never been more terrified about something. It's a very odd mix of laughter and tears. And if you are on the other end of the phone, you may never know which,