Coffee House Blogger

I was disappointed this morning as I was driving around trying to find a place to spend some time reading, praying, and blogging.  I was hoping for a small, out of the way coffee house that wouldn't have the feel of a franchise.  I wasn't finding anything even though I was expecting the cute little town to have something.  Giving up, I went to pull into the parking lot of a local chain coffee shop when I happened to look up.  There, before my very tired eyes, I saw a sign for a bakery.  I quick looked it up on my phone, saddened to discover I couldn't actually find anything on their website but hopeful because that reinforced the idea that this must be a newer place.  Oh joy!!  I love adventure.  I love trying new things.  What could be better than a relatively new bakery?

As I walked in, I was overjoyed to find friendly people who seemed genuinely happy to see me.  I love small towns.  I love local shops in small towns.  The atmosphere is different.  It's easier to slow down, breathe, be myself.  The pressure of our typical hustle and bustle dies away; they are a salve to my weary spirit.

This little bakery is transformed at the moment into my Saturday morning hideaway, my respite from the week's trials and struggles.  It's the very short term equivalent of my impending trip out west.  It's an opportunity for some peace and rest.  I have become so accustomed to only thinking under pressure and demands that I turn into a blob when I don't have those things anymore.

For those of you who have never worked in child welfare, you may think that school is just as demanding and busy as the rest of life.  I would remind you that I did school and this job at the same time.  Going back to school without work is small potatoes.  But lest my dear friends you think that I may be too naïve for my own good, let me assure you I am not unaware that the demands of school will be very different from the demands of my job and there will be stress in adjusting.

But that stress may come from something you may not expect.  What am I most afraid of in leaving my job and going back to school?  Adjusting to life with structure and order again.

I picture child welfare workers as people balancing on one foot on a ball while juggling 10 balls and spinning plates on their head and free foot.  We balance service referrals, reports, more paperwork than I can ever begin to describe, parenting times, home visits, court, filing, reading provider reports, deescalating furious clients, working through emotional heartache with kids, meetings upon meetings, and personal lives that don't get enough attention.  And by the way, the emotional demands are more than I can express.  Crazy person that I am, I love it.

So why leave?  Because I need to.  Because deep down in my heart, I know this is the right thing to do.  In that place that has no words and where nothing truly makes sense, I know this is the next step on my journey.  When I truly think about it, I realize that this is my opportunity to live out Psalm 46:10 - "Be still, and know that I am God." (KJV)  It's my life's coffee house.  Or, as my dad put it, a sabbatical.  I don't know what's next.  I just know I'm taking my first time out of the half.  We'll see what play the Coach gives me while I am on the sidelines.

By the way... (posted with permission) the bakery is Aggie Mae's Bakery and the website is here -> Aggie Mae's