Today was a very busy day, so busy, in fact, that I pretty much missed out on actually enjoying the reason for my busyness. Today was a big day. One of my kiddos got to move to a new home today, the home that will probably be his forever home.
I love the moments where I get to help kids establish permanency. Nothing feels better than a reunification I can feel good about or an adoption into a home that truly loves the child. But today I missed out on the joy. I spent so much time running around trying to make sure everything was ready that I completely forgot to stop and breathe in the moment. We get so few of these moments, especially as they pertain to teenagers. It's so important to our sanity to savor the opportunities we do get.
I know that. I preach that to new workers all the time. Part of self-care is surrounding yourself by happy things in the midst of hard times. I could probably write a book about all of the things about today that were important to maintaining a positive spirit. Instead, I did a mountain of paperwork.
The paperwork was necessary. Please don't mistake this for disparaging what I did do today. I fulfilled a vital role in this process. But I stole something from myself in focusing so much on what had to get done that I didn't look at what could be done. I could have sat back at some point today and sighed with contentment. All of the pieces came together today. And today was that big moment the team has been planning for months. We've tweaked details here and there. We've adjusted, bargained, compromised, advocated, and fought for this one thing. It finally happened. Right under my frantic nose, too.
I think on many instances where I have been too caught up in the chaos of insisting everything go right that I missed out on the little things in front of me. I've heard many people say similar things. In particular, I've heard this about wedding days. That saddens me. This wonderful, amazing day is all caught up in the overly dramatic need for perfection. I'm a perfectionist, so I'm writing about a daily struggle within myself. I find, though, that the more I grow, the more I realize I'm never going to achieve perfection, so instead of striving within myself for something I can never attain anyway, I may as well take time to enjoy the journey.
This is not to say that I should intentionally fail. But instead of the self-deprecating that comes with failure, I am beginning to recognize the importance of accepting that failure will happen. But from there I must stand back up and move on. As a perfectionist, when I fail, I tend to fall again and again, not because I am so drawn to the things which make me fall but because I draw so much attention to them that I become a moth to their flame. There is no stopping myself. So my focus must be diverted. I must consciously choose to walk away from the barriers and to claim joy.
Don't miss out. I have come to enjoy the book of Ecclesiastes, especially chapter 3. Verse 1 says: "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." (ESV) As you read through Ecclesiastes, you discover that life is meant to be enjoyed. The seasons we have in our life are so short. Don't waste them in being so driven you can't see the beauty around you.
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