There are some things you choose not to talk about even with your closest friends, things that you are afraid will hurt them, things you are afraid will make them angry, things that just plain hurt to talk about. For me, that thing is a past romantic relationship. I have hesitated to talk about it in this setting; after all, it puts it all on the line in a pretty open forum. But if I didn't share this with you, if I didn't open up and use my experiences to help others, I would feel a hypocrite. As I counsel and mentor and teach and guide, I tell people to use their experiences to their advantage. Use what you have learned in the good and the bad times to help other people. But I hold in reserve something about myself. I do it to protect myself from embarrassment, shame, even a little guilt. If anyone should have known better about bad relationships, it was me. I had the intellect, the training, the education, even to some extent the experience. I was a very young adult, but I had seen bad relationships. I knew what to look for. I let myself be blinded. No, it was more than that. I chose to turn a blind eye to it. I saw warning signs. I knew something was wrong, but I chose to remain in an emotionally abusive relationship. And even years later, I refused to acknowledge that's what it was. Even when things ended badly, I let myself be duped into believing I had done something wrong, I wasn't good enough, I wasn't pretty enough, I WASN'T ENOUGH. What I did wrong, my biggest mistake, was not doing something to put a stop to the abuse myself.
Why on earth would I share this with you? Why lay bare something so personal?
For one thing, I know there are those of you who will read this who are in an abusive relationship right now. I want you to know that you aren't alone. I want you to know that there is life outside that relationship. And by the way, I know that you don't think you can walk away. You don't think this applies to you. You don't think you are worth it. Well, let me point you to a far more authoritative source than myself to tell you what you are worth: Romans 5:10 (NKJV) "For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life." Whether you have put your faith in Jesus Christ to save you from eternal separation from God or not, He died for you as His enemy. He looked at you and said that even as His enemy you are worth dying for! Is there any way stronger than that to show love?
There are those of you reading this who have been in an abusive relationship. You aren't in it anymore. But you still feel the impact. You wonder if you will ever be whole again. There is only one way. It's to put your faith in Christ, to let Him heal your heart. "But, Lisa," you say, "You don't know what I've done. There's no way God can accept me." Yes, you have sinned. You have failed. You have screwed up. Guess what. So have I. Every day. But I put my faith in Christ to save me from an eternity in hell. We already know He made the way of reconciliation for us when we were His enemies. Now I am in His family. I am not doomed to spend eternity without Him, which means that I am not bound to my sins. I am no longer enslaved to them. When I let myself be held in bondage to them, I am spitting on the gift of freedom He has given me. So I have to confess my sins, but you know what? I John 1:9 (NKJV) "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." You put your faith in Him for eternity, you trust Him to forgive you for your sin, and you go to Him for healing. If He is capable of taking you out of the clutches of sin and death, He is more than able to heal your heart.
There are those of you who are being abusive. Christ's offer of reconciliation is just as applicable to you as it is to me, to your significant other, to every person you encounter. You have but to believe. You probably aren't going to stop abusing over night. Maybe you will, God is big enough to stay your hand, your words, your anger. But just because you put your faith in Him for salvation doesn't mean you instantly stop doing hurtful things. You have to open your heart to Him, allow Him to deal with the rough stuff in your life. And by the way, the process isn't going to feel good. It's going to be hard. But I can promise you Christ is worth it.
Lastly, there are those of you who have never experienced abuse on either side. Guess what. The offer of reconciliation is just as important for you as it is for me, for your neighbor, for your friend who is being abused but it scared to tell anyone. If you haven't experienced abuse, praise God! You may well know someone who has. When they finally open up and tell you, don't be shocked. Don't express pity. Just listen. Cry with them. Hug them. Reassure them you love them. And just keep being who you have been because if they trust you enough to tell you, you've done a pretty good job being a safe person for them so far. And by the way, that's pretty amazing in and of itself. Ask questions, but don't be upset if they don't answer or don't have an answer. Friends ask me all the time how they can help me when I am struggling emotionally with my job or my past relationship. I often don't know. But when I do know, I'm not afraid to ask because they have offered.
You know the best part of the offer of reconciliation to me? Well, okay, immediately following the fact that I get to spend eternity in heaven praising God. The best part to me is that because of the reconciliation Christ offered me, I can live reconciliation out in my life. I can forgive those who hurt me, including the man with whom I shared a relationship previously.
So when I tell you God is bigger than your hurts and your worries, I don't take that statement lightly. I know pain. I know fear. I have experienced some tough stuff in my personal life and in my professional life. When I speak to you of God overcoming, it's because I have seen it time and time again in my life. God took on some pretty big, really tough stuff in my life. It goes better when I give it to Him. But He is absolutely capable. I don't make promises often; I know how damaging it can be to make a promise and then break it. But I can promise you this with absolute certain: GOD IS BIGGER. It's not about me. It's not even about you. It's about God and what He can do. And He can do an awful lot.
"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen." -Ephesians 3:20-21 (NKJV)
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